the cost

Last night I decided to start reading “God in a Brothel” by Daniel Walker again. Post Thailand everything just seems different. I was reading Walker’s words about how he would have run in the opposite direction when he stepped up to fight for freedom if he knew then what he knew now. I couldn’t help but relate. I wept at the end of chapter three. Just thinking of how hard it really is and the big picture of what I am getting myself into. I’m sad to share my friend that I wrote about yesterday who was left for dead with her throat slit passed away. I’m thankful she is in Heaven. And if you don’t think God loves the prostitute (or prostituted) let’s have coffee. I’m thankful that she is no longer going to be disrespected. I’m thankful that she is resting in eternal glory and being lavished with the love she so desperately searched for here on earth. I’m thankful she no longer knows the hell she lived in while on earth. I’m thankful that God is wiping away the tears from her eyes and telling her how loved she is. I’m thankful that Heaven is real.

I never really thought about how hard it would be… I knew that my heart broke for injustice but the sorrow and despair I would endure on account for the broken was not something I envisioned in this walk. I’m thankful I know what it is to hurt for God’s people and I’m thankful I had the opportunity to pray with my sweet sister the weeks leading up to her reunion with Christ. I sat in my bed last night and asked God if I really knew what I was getting myself into. Did I really understand all that encompassed saying ‘yes’? Do I truly grasp the hurt of these streets? Am I strong enough to sit down and have conversations and hear about the horror innocent women are enduring? Is He sure He called the right person? And the answer to all of that is –yes-. God is stronger. God is greater. He that is in me is greater than he that is in this world. I refuse to be like the one who knows about the evil and yet does nothing.

Human Trafficking is real. It is hell on earth. And for some crazy reason I want to continue fighting for freedom because I know that God’s love is worth sharing and that these precious souls who are trapped are worthy of FREEDOM. I woke up this morning with a fight still in me. I am reminded that no matter how hard, how difficult, how painful, how tragic this fight is…… the cost is worth it. I am reminded of my decision to follow Christ Jesus and similar to His love for me…..that decision is unconditional.

shaken to the core.

I cannot recall a time in my life where I was ever so shaken to my core. And as much as my first impulse is to get it out of my mind and not to think about what took place last night, I can’t. The fear that trembled as each girl retold the same story that took place the night before. The hopelessness in their eyes and deep desire to be removed from their current situation paralyzes me. Eighteen minutes, 14.6 miles from my front door is a man rapping women and slitting their throats. When I first began serving the prostitution community there was a rapist going around and leaving young women to die in abandon fields smothered in a pool of blood from their slit throat. The first week I went out to serve there was three women found dead within the last week. Months have since passed and I’ve begun to build relationships with these women. I recognize them. I know their ‘names’. There is no stronger relationship than one built on the saving grace of Jesus Christ and that is exactly what we have built with these women. We pray with them, cry with them, and hurt with them.

But last night changes everything. A woman I know, someone’s daughter, someone’s friend, a beautiful young woman was found Sunday night in an abandoned house brutally beaten with a 2x4, raped, and left to die in a pool of her own blood flowing from the large slit across her throat. Each girl told us the same story and each girl said they did not know her last name so no one could go visit her in the hospital. It’s so much like Thailand; these girls have street names, heck I don’t even think any of us know their real names. Can you imagine transitioning into a life where you are not only abused, taken advantage of, raped, and the like but then you have you identity removed, too? Can you imagine someone calling you by a number? Can you imagine someone calling you a different name than the name you’ve been called all your life? No one can visit this girl because no one knows her real name. This breaks me.

Devastated to hear the news, we continued on to our next friend. I would have to say that of all the woman we meet with and pray with, this one has captivated my heart in a way I can’t explain. I see right through her hard exterior. I see her pain. I see her hurt. And as my friend said, she has no idea how to function anymore she is so hurt. It is as if she is lifeless. I was in the van the first night we came across this young girl and even then she was fearful to come to us. These streets are NO place for young women. I’ve watched her over the last several months continue to withdraw more and more from us, more and more from life. She is broken. Usually she is timid to come to us for prayer but last night she was completely different. Fear was consuming her. She was afraid to come near us. Afraid to talk to us. Afraid to let us pray for her. Afraid to let us hug her. She had just been raped by two men at the same time and pistol whipped in her head. Blood covered her open wound on the top of her head from where the pistol landed. And all I can think is please let me hold you. Please let me hug you and take you home with me. Please let me cover you in love. Please let me wash your feet. Be my family. Come with me. I want to scream YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS! YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THIS! GOD LOVES YOU!

Another girl we spoke with had an encounter with the same man over the weekend. He got her naked and raped her in his car. When she fought him he cut her leg up with his knife, opened the car door, and pushed her out of the car while moving…she was naked. I could pour out my guts on this keyboard in despair and anger. Can you even fathom being treated like such a piece of garbage?

We located the van that is allegedly responsible for all you’ve just read. We followed him for blocks until we were close enough to write down his license plate number and description of his van. We then wrote it down and passed out copies to all the girls we could find and told them to stay far away.

Words do not suffice the anguish in my heart today as I write this. 14.6 miles from my front door.

The devil thinks this neighborhood is his playground….. well my response is this: Let our names be feared at the gates of hell as we exalt the Savior and redeem what BELONGS to the LORD! The darkness HAS NOT overcome the light. We need to wake up world. Human trafficking is not a third world problem. It’s a Detroit, Michigan problem. It’s a EVERYWHERE problem. Our war is NOT against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. These girls are worthy of love. They need to know how much Jesus loves them. They need to know that there is hope. They need to know that this is not what they deserve. They need to know that Heaven is real. That Jesus Christ is real. That He loves them with an everlasting love that can never be shaken. Oh dear God, please save my sisters, please rebuke and convict the heart of this man on the streets and lead him to salvation, Lord please deliver the brokenness of my sisters, and God please use me to whatever capacity You will. Send laborers, Lord……. Help me to love these girls like You do. Open doors to remove them from the streets. Protect them, in Jesus name.

forty

I’ve come to learn that restoration can only be made complete when our hearts desire it more than just knowing it is what we ‘should’ be striving toward. When you get to the point of utter brokenness and you are on your knees just crying out to God and asking Him to make you whole and heal you. Praise God for the gift of today! Countless second chances have been given at the Cross. Today I completed reading the entire bible. I finished in 39 days (started a day late) but finished today the finale of our season of forty.

I can’t even comprehend words to describe the praise that is in my heart and the joy that is consuming every inch of my being. I am forever changed and it is all to His credit. Reading never felt like a chore or that it was forced. I wanted it so badly. I wanted healing in my life so badly. I wanted restoration so badly. God met me there in my brokenness and healed every part of me.

The Cross is my victory. Jesus Christ is my healer and I am healed by HIS stripes, by HIS blood!

Joy unspeakable.

Meaning

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” -Timothy Keller

fifteen days.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate ,

And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, You promised, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And, Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
'I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.'"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel,
And His eyes met with mine,
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"All you seek I could give and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want-----
But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence are all you can 

see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You would know that I give and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, Wait."

-Wait by Russel Kelfer

Beyond thankful for this season of waiting.... the depths of His heart have been so worth it.