Rambled heart strings.

I opened my eyes yesteday morning and the first thing I saw was my computer screen saver, it read “Reach the lost – No matter the cost”

My heart is heavy as I write this…. Someone needs to share her story. There is no obituary. There is no funeral that we know of. There is no certainty as to how it happened. The only certainty I can wrap my mind around and the brokenness I feel in my heart is that the last encounter we had with her she knew that Jesus loved her and as we wrapped our arms around her and prayed over her chains were broken.

I met her one of my first times out on the streets with 70x7… she was so hesitant to come near our van, she didn’t want prayer and she didn’t want to talk. Each week that we saw her she would come a little closer toward the van, soon she would let us pray over her, and sometimes she would let us in to a little of her world. I remember seeing her for the first time and saying “that girl is hard” and Jaime responded “No, she is broken.”  I’ve written about her on this blog numerous times…. She is the girl I wanted to take home with me. She is the girl that kept me awake at night…. often. Each week she looked a little rougher, a little more broken, a little more hurt… the streets were killing her slowly. As time progressed so did her trust in us. She started to come to the window of the van and would share some prayer requests…most always for safety. She then let us get out of the van and hug her. We were there when she was scared. We were there when she got out of jail. We were there after she was beat up and raped. We were there when she got out of rehab and was clean from heroine. We were there when she wanted prayer and we were there when she needed a comforting hug. We were there.

Words fail me…they don’t do justice. Our team loved her. It is easy to recall the last six months of the moments we met with her… but the last two encounters are embedded on my heart. The second to last time we saw her we were on the streets praying with a group of six or seven people and she came running around the corner “can I have one.. Can I have one!!”… Every one of us in the van just started smiling. She was happy to see us; she had been waiting for us. That night she welcomed me out to hug her and pray over her. This was a huge breakthrough. The following week we were out and we ran into our beloved… she had been drinking and was the most talkative we ever saw her. Jeana got out of the van and had a 20 minute conversation with her and she began to pour out her heart. She wasn’t using heroine. She just got out of rehab. She hated being on the streets. She wanted out. She felt trapped. She applied for a job at K-Mart. She didn’t know how things got to this point. She was scared. She wanted to be freed. She wanted to be clean. She passed up a friend who was waiting on her because she WANTED prayer. She had plans. She shared she wanted to get married and have kids one day. She wanted a better life. She also shared she felt hopeless and felt like death was her only option…she didn’t want to live anymore if this was all life had for her. She shared how she got on the streets and about the days before. She opened her heart and we offered her Jesus. Jeana wrapped her arms around her and prayed over her.

Last night we were stopped at the spot she usually is at. We prayed with a few people and then he came over…we asked him where she was and he said “She is no longer with us”…. He went on to share that she died from an overdose. My heart sank. I was numb. I couldn’t move. It seemed like so many people were coming to the van, more than ever in this spot and I felt like I was stuck in time and just couldn’t focus. Even one of the girls on the streets asked if we were okay. As everyone left the van and we rolled up our window our van was silent. I just broke down in a deep cry. The pain was unreal. It was like someone just told me my relative died. I buried my head in my arms and said “Donna you’re gonna have to coach me through this… I don’t know how I get my head back in the game after this”… she said “you don’t….”.

I felt like last night was God saying “do you really know what you are saying yes to” and then showed us a glimpse… the cost is worth it and her death is a reminder of the importance that these girls need to know they are loved and that Jesus Christ died for them. Jaime and I drove home together, a rather quiet drive… we sat in the car in silence and listened to ‘Finish what you started’ by Sean Feucht. “Oh my God, You can do anything…and oh my God, nothing is too hard for you… You’re faithful to the end.. You will finish what You started…” God is faithful until the end. He finishes what He starts. He loved her so much that He sent our team to pray with her every week. As much as it grieves my heart to know that I won’t see her any longer… It encourages me to know that we were used to show her Jesus. Our days are fleeting.. Tomorrow is not promised.. and knowing Jesus is the ONLY thing that matters.

I am so blessed to work with such an amazing team and be a small part in such an incredible outreach. I love our team. Our leader, Donna is like a Mom to us… she called last night to check on us and make sure we were okay… The streets aren’t just an outreach; it’s a part of our lives relationally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. As much as it pains me to see her go, I am blessed beyond words that we were able to know her. I can’t imagine not being on these streets. Not building these relationships. Not offering hope. I can’t imagine not having these amazing relationships with these girls. I’m so thankful for our team and that we have the privilege to reach God’s children and offer them hope. I’m thankful that the feet that deliver the good news are beautiful and that we were able to offer her hope, love, and Jesus.  I can’t imagine doing anything different. Reach the lost – no matter the cost.